Never Fear, Staff Dog Bert is Here

Hi! I’m Bert! I work here at Tales of the Lonesome Pine Used Books. I’m in charge of shop security.

Hey, I wonder what’s for dinner?

Oh yeah, as I was saying, I make sure that all the customers who come into the shop feel secure and happy. I’m not allowed to walk around on the shop floor because…. well, I’m not proud of this, but I guess I kind of have a reputation for running away. If the front door is open, I mean, there’s a whole world out there to explore. So many great smells… Instinct just takes over, y’know?

Speaking of smells, do you smell anything cooking? I wonder if the humans who stay here have started dinner.

There’s two humans here, a guy who knows just where to scratch, and a lady who yells a lot and says I’m an escape artist. She’s the reason I only get let out when we’re having special events, like Robert Burns Night or Celtic Christmas or a murder mystery, and everyone knows not to open the door until the event is over.

I’m actually named for Robert Burns, you know, but everyone calls me Bert because Burns was too hard to explain to people.

Burns…. do you smell anything cooking? I wonder what’s for dinner.

Anyway, I focus very hard on what needs to be done here at the shop–keeping the foster kittens in line, barking to point out sales shelves to the customers, making sure everyone who comes in fondles my ears… that type of thing. Zora – she’s the other staff dog who works here — says I have to concentrate more, but I think my powers of concentration are just fine, thank you.

Hey, has anyone said anything to you about what’s for dinner?

So come on down and visit us. We’re open Tuesday-Saturday 10-6, and if you come and visit, Zora likes the crunchy rawhides and I like the soft ones, flavored like beef.

Hmmm… beef. I wonder if that’s what’s for dinner?

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2 Comments

Filed under Big Stone Gap, folklore and ethnography, humor, small town USA, Uncategorized, VA

2 responses to “Never Fear, Staff Dog Bert is Here

  1. Anne

    That is my Bert,handsome as ever and what a great story !!! Burt Auntie Anne will make you and Zora homemade doggie biscuits…Love you Bert……

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